Many men are taught not to talk about their emotions, let alone know how to deal with them, and sometimes, that can be quite a struggle. Especially in times of high stress, like when you’re job searching or looking for a new apartment, you’re not always sure how to deal with your anxieties. And right now, in the months before your wedding, you’re feeling that familiar feeling again. Uneasiness, anxiety about money, feeling like there are so many decisions you have to make, and you aren’t sure what to do. Usually, you’d talk to your partner about it, but you feel like they’re dealing with lots of stress, too.
That’s why it’s important to know how to deal with your emotions. This guide will help you not only right now, in this busy time before your wedding, but in the future too. So if you’re ready to be fit when it comes to your emotional health, read on.
Identify your stressors
The first thing you need to do is understand what’s stressing you out. Is it the high cost of the wedding, being way more than you anticipated? Is it your fiancée’s behavior, with her spending so much time looking at wedding dresses on Pinterest that you feel she isn’t there for you? Is it larger existential worry, like not knowing whether you’ll be the husband that your spouse-to-be deserves?
According to the Mayo Clinic, stress management starts with understanding what’s triggering your stress. They explain, “Effective stress management starts with identifying your sources of stress and developing strategies to manage them. One way to do this is to make a list of the situations, concerns or challenges that trigger your stress response. Take a moment to write down some of the top issues you’re facing right now. You’ll notice that some of your stressors are events that happen to you while others seem to originate from within.”
Once you write down what’s stressing you out, it’ll suddenly seem more manageable. It’ll open you up, and make it possible for you to share your problems. And remember: in 2017, the average stress for Americans was 4.8 out of 10, so you’re not alone.
Now that you’ve identified what’s going on, your next step is speaking up about what’s going on. This can be a challenge, especially if in your romantic relationships you’ve always been the “rock” for your partner to lean on. Think about who you’re comfortable talking to. Is it your best man, or your father? If you can’t think of anyone in your close circle you can talk to, consider hiring an online therapist. BetterHelp, for example, is an online app that allows you to meet counselors on their website or over an app–and with 2,000 licensed therapists working for them, you’ll find someone you’re comfortable sharing with.
If you’re able to identify what you need, and how to solve your problem, the next step is to share this with the people around you. For example, if you want to relax every once in a while with your spouse-to-be during this busy time by watching Netflix or drawing, you need to tell them. Often, we forget that the people around us can’t read our minds.
According to Psychology Today, you need to ask for what you need directly: “When asking for help, make sure the person knows exactly what you want. For example, if you want your spouse to show you what to do, rather than just tell you, make sure you ask for that. There are times when it would be nice if someone spontaneously offered to help you and they don’t. The more you practice directly asking for help in these situations, the easier it gets.”
Make time for yourself
Finally, it’s important for you to focus on you. Wedding planning feels like it’s a time when all you’re doing is meeting with caterers and wedding planners, and deciding who sits where, and making so many small decisions that it can get overwhelming. Exhausting, even. 96 percent of couples getting married admitted that wedding planning is stressful, which is why it’s so important for you to take a step back and be kind to yourself.
If you’ve reached out and explained your situation, the people around you will understand that you need time for yourself. Whether that’s going out to play some basketball with friends on a Saturday or going for a walk, do what you need to feel like yourself again.
By using these strategies, you’ll feel calmer, happier, and less anxious in the months leading up to your wedding.
What’s been stressing you out most recently about your wedding? How do you wish this would change?